Articles

A Sunday Kind of Love

Man, Etta James can really belt out a song...

Got my student housing lease agreement today. Woo hoo...forgot about needing a security deposit so I've got to come up with 150 bucks in less than 10 days! AHhhhhhhh!!!! Kind of hard to do when you are a 'po' broke gurl'. haha

Nahhh, I'll Git 'R Done!! No biggie!

Hmmmmmm.......

Shameless Self-Promotion

Hey kids! Wanna buy something really cool that will truly be the ENVY of all your friends?

Okay, so that's a little much...

Here's the deal:

I make these cool bracelets. They're called 'Petals'. They look like Hawaiian lais...cool right? So I am trying to make a little money for me back pocket when I am away at school this fall and I want YOU to buy one or two...three even!

They're way fun, come in TONS of colors, and fit pretty much everyone cause they're SSSSSSSSTTTTTTTRETCHY! :)

So email me or comment and lemme know how many I can send ya. They're $5.00 each- not too bad for something that is made of handmade beads and custom colors to boot! Shipping would be 2 or 3 dollars depending on where ya live.

Check it out!! Woo Hoo!!! Help support this starving artist/student/crazy woman! :)

Sometimes you just want to be 'known'

I think the thing that most people are afraid of in life is that they will never be truly 'known'. I don't mean in the way that you know your co-workers or casual friends or your Mom even. I'm refering to being KNOWN, having a witness to your life who knows all about you and is in your corner no matter what. Someone who sees who you REALLY are and who you can be and has such a deep love and intimacy with you that nothing can break the bond. This desire fuels everything we do- all the searching and prepping...and all we really want is to just 'be'.

'Be'

I will hold you
circle you in my arms
while you weep

Tears of years gone by
and suffering
you could just not
speak

And I will come to you
and be your peace
And I will come to you
and
be

I will be your strength
and certainty
staying still beside you

And I will hold your hand
and be your peace
And I will hold your hand
and
be

I will be your light
in darkness
guiding you to safety

And I will stay at your side
and be your peace
And I will stay at your side
and
be

"Be" -Suzanne Brewer, www.suzannebrewer.com

baby blue-jay

When I went out to put my chickens up for the night I saw a baby blue-jay just sitting in the yard. It's parents were close by of course, encouraging him to follow, but the baby jay was still too small to fledge and couldn't fly. He must have accidentally fallen out of the nest.

I felt like crap for him. In fact I feel like I've fallen out of a nest or two myself. And sure there are people screaming and yelling at me to come back and follow them to the 'good place' but they don't seem to be able to give me the ability to fly so that I may join them. Sometimes I'm the one yelling at myself to 'just flippin' fly' and then I become discouraged when I don't.

Then there are other times, like tonight, when I am begging God to make me fly and I wonder if he ever will. Just when I think I have come to the point when I am so desperate for him and his power to come and do ANYTHING in my life, that hint of longing for self-independence and CONTROL finds it's way back in and starts to grow. Do you know how incredibly difficult it is for a control freak to be still and KNOW that He is God? It's hard lemme tell ya. It's even more difficult to realize that the same control that I find my fluff ball security in is the same junk that trips the doubt wire in my heart. 1 control freak + creeping doubt = a very vulnerable and frightened person, much like I assume that little jay feels.

So I finally decided that I couldn't let the baby jay fend for itself (even though letting nature take over may be the sensable option)so I wound up setting up an old bird cage with perches and leafy limbs and even a little bird's nest that I found on the ground today. I picked up the baby bird and gently nudged him onto one of the sticks and positioned the leafy branches around him so that he might feel a bit more secure in the night. I really don't know what I will do about him tomorrow, but for the night I think he's a wee bit safer than he would have been.

Perhaps God's working something simular out for me. After all, if he cares about the sparrows that fall, why not a doubter with control issues? How I long to be in a place, with someone, where I am secure and safe- where it's okay to be vulnerable and afraid because I know that there's someone who is there to scoop me up and hide me until the morning comes.

God why do you tarry? Jesus reveal yourself to me! Holy Spirit envelope me in your loving embrace, hide me until morning and then lead me on to where I should go next.

Keepin it real

I've reached another one of those points in life where it's either 'do or die'. Suffice to say it's been a long time coming and is most definately in God's perfect timing(as everything worth living is), though I must admit I have yet to get a copy of his schedule.

At any rate, I'm in the midst of a Jacob season. One of those times when you're trying to fix everything for God, working the 'set up' to the extreme, despite what he's promised, and then you wind up in a wrestling match. And I'm not talkin' WWF or WWE or AT and T or whatever that junk on TV is; this is RAW, to the point, digging up the dirt wrestling. And to tell you the truth I think I'm the one throwin' all the punches, sockin' myself in the face. That's why renewal and transformation of the mind is so crucial, otherwise you'll forever be in a constant fight with yourself over what your mind perceives and your spirit knows. You'd think I'd have learned that by now.

So well, last night I listened to this ministry tape that I just happened to come across -yeah right, more like God more or less smacked it down in front of me- with the topic of breaking ungodly soul ties. Now if ya don't know what a soul tie is don't freak, I'm gonna tell ya. Soul ties are what occurs when we become a part of another person- emotionally, physcially, and spiritually. (Least that's my definition.) Sexual partners outside of marriage, divorce, ungodly friendships, vows made to someone or something other than God, believing and living the lies of the Enemy even= ungodly soul ties. See it's like giving little pieces of yourself away (even though you may not realize it) until there's nothing left to give God and since he wants to be ONE with us and tied to us in Spirit and Truth, it's important that we break these ties so that we are able to offer God our WHOLE hearts in worship. Then we'll truly understand his desire for oneness in our relationship with him and with his children, our brothers and sisters in Christ. When we're tied to others via soul ties, we are bound to them and their desires (godly or ungodly) become ours. (Genesis 3:16 -whom we desire, we follow/imitate)

Man that's really a lot to take in when you think about it. The consequences of our thoughts and desires are intricately tied to either God or someone or something else. Gives new meaning to the song that goes, "Oh becareful little ears what you hear. . .becareful little eyes what you see. . .becareful little mouth what you say. . ." Could add to that, "becareful little heart who you give yourself to. . .becareful little mind what you desire. . .becareful little emotions not to lead. . ." Not that I'm saying we're not responsible for our own actions and thoughts, but we must be careful whom we allow influence and in what ways.

Oh I don't know if I am making any sense, but at any rate I've really been struggling with these ungodly soul ties in my life and last night was given the opportunity by God to free myself of them. It was great. . .and still is! Now I can't say that I am like 'super saint' now and have this whole Mother Teresa mentality going on, I still have a VERY long way to go, but God's not through with me yet! And we can all breathe a sigh of relief on that note, cause if He was finished we'd all be in a heap of trouble!

I'm not sure where I'm going with this now. I suppose I just wanted to get it out and see where it went. If you have a minute, check out Psalm 119:25-48. Really awesome words!!

Prayer Request

Just received this email from a dear friend:

My Mom's 3rd corena transplant is rejecting. I am so heartbroken, cause I
have worked so hard with drops everyday for over a year now. Pray that her
body will supernatually accept it. Now I have to put several drops in her
eye every hour on the hour. I need my prayer warriors making intersession on
her behalf. Dont' want her to go through another transplant.


If you have a moment during your time with God, please mention Dinah, her Mom, and the rest of the family. There's a lot more going on 'behind the scenes' of this email and prayers are the glue that holds Dinah together.

Gotta go!

Some thoughts for the day:

A seed can't grow in poor soil. Ya gotta plant it in the right environment and care for it properly in order for it to grow.

There are some people you just have to love from a distance. Negative people make for bad dirt.

Remember to hold on to the 'gift of goodbye'. Your destiny is tied to no one but God. If someone leaves you, let them leave!

Ruins

'Ruins'

Who was I before the world began
Where did I fit in the midst of all your plans
My heart is weary
and my mind confused
I never meant
to ruin it for you

But you tell me you make no mistakes
You knew each road I would take
And nothing I could ever do
could ruin it for you

For ruins turn to castles
in the light of your smile
And scattered peices
become one
throughout all the trials

I'll never understand
the movement of your hands
How you can take
my life of ruins
and fit them
in your plans

But you tell me you make no mistakes
You knew each road that I would take
And nothing that I could ever do
would ever ruin it for you

No nothing...

For ruins turn to castles
in the light of your smile
and broken peices
become one
in the midst of all the trials

See You

'See You'

You have felt the fear
that paralyzes me
And you know the pain
that brings me to my knees
I just don't understand
why it's so hard to believe

Because you know me, you do
you see me through
Oh how I wish
I could just see you

I look around at your creation
and all that you have made
The evidence is obvious
but still so far away
I wonder what you're thinking
when you hear me pray

Because you know me, you do
yeah you see me right through
Why can't I
just see you

~Be real
make me feel
Take my hand
make me stand
Call my name
fix my aim
Touch my heart
make me a part~

the birds

So I was out walking today and came across these rare and unusual song birds...hehehe

Yeah right...these are a couple of my pet chickens. That ought to give you an idea of how wacked out I am!